Loners, lone wolfs, isolationists, one-man army. Whatever other words one can think of to describe someone who works better alone. Or prefers it. Do we choose to be alone as a purposeful lifestyle? Or do we simply just end up that way without any say in it? Both are right and for some or a lot of people, both are true. Like most things in life, solitude is dependent on the person and their experiences. Some people end up alone because of rather unfortunate circumstances, or maybe they just chose to work in a career of sorts that doesn’t really require many people. It’s complicated (as is a theme with these reflections).
Now to really get into what I’m reflecting on. What do I think about solitude in anyway possible? Reread the last sentence of the previous paragraph, I’m very serious. Yes, it’s not the most original answer because again, everything is complicated if you see it that way. But it’s complicated for me because I’m alone while surrounded by others and much of my “loner lifestyle” stems from a not so healthy place. Part of it being how closed off I am from my own family and sometimes friends about what’s on my mind, what I’m feeling. And I just wait for when it’s my time. Being lonely for me is a misguided act of pseudo-rebellion against my circumstances. I wait for the moment. I won’t say what, but I’m waiting for it and I shouldn’t. Isolation, being a “loner” is stagnation. It’s as close to being in suspended animation as it gets.
Oh, and it has a bit of a decaying effect too I feel. Social skills become worse. You just approach life rushing to get out of the public eye for no reason. Everything makes you nervous. And it lowers your standards too. Don’t be afraid to be a part of something great and good! Something to keep in mind.
That last paragraph is always the trick for me - how to go from recognizing the problem to not being afraid (and even acting on it!)? The older I get, the more I realize that I just might not be that social and it's all these extroverts who are pushing me to play their game!